4 a.m.

I was riding the jeepney when I suddenly felt the urge to write.

It’s 4 a.m in the morning.

Books flood in front of me, all awaiting to drown me with their every word. The lights buzz silently, resonating with the thump-thump-thump of my little heart. The room stands seemingly empty, while I sit motionless, waiting to be drowned, listening to the silent resonance.

All of a sudden I feel a grip around my throat, and I hear the louder thump-thump-thump of my little heart with the deafening buzz of the lights. I feel my eyes water, and it took me a while before I realize I am drowning.

But I stare at the unmoving books, seemingly surprised by the drowning that they did not cause. They stare at me, and I stare back, suffocating as each second passes. I seek for something to grip, but I find nothing. And just when everything turns into darkness – when my heart stops its thump-thump-thump, and my books vanish- I see you.

I see your soulful eyes and your captivating smile. I see your smooth lips, and your rosy cheeks. I see every detail of you that I have always loved. I see the entirety of you that I have always yearned to have. I see you. And then I see you leave. Again.

The lights return. The books stay still, awaiting to drown me with their every word. The buzzing resonates with the thump-thump-thump of my little heart. The room stands empty, while I sit, motionless.

It’s 4 a.m in the morning. And I have never felt so close to death.

Love?

I was sorting out my files when I saw this. It turns out to be a work I’ve written when I had an infatuation with someone who apparently just ignored me. Hahaha 🙂
It’s raw. I do not want to edit it because I fear that I might change what it is trying to say; I am in a very happy state right now, which might compel me to transform it into something more cheerful. Given the reason why this was written, a cheerful mood obviously isn’t what I want to display. 🙂 ❤

As I let myself be enveloped by a resentment caused by the shattering of a heart so fragile, I asked myself this: What really is love? Holding a grudge too intense, I came up with an answer:

Love is the galaxy that never expands to infinity, but ruptures and converges into nothingness.

Love is the flower that never blooms in summer.

Love is the villain that always triumphs.

Love is the ocean that exposes its fatal secrets.

Love is the star that deceives.

Love is why beauty transforms.

Love is the reason why the galaxy is never infinite.

Why the flower wilts in the perfect season.

Why the hero always loses.

Why the ocean is frightening.

Why the star deceives.

Love is hate.

Hate was once love.

A Death

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

Surrounding the ever glowing flame

is an indecisive wind

It may allow its existence

or cause its death

It circles around and around

thinking, deciding

Shall it run?

or shall it kill?

Shall it turn from the fire?

or shall it end it to the last of its embers?

It circles around and around

not knowing what to do

not knowing which to follow

Then suddenly

there’s death.


 

A free verse poem made for two minutes because of the thoughts that circle swiftly and indecisively inside my head. 

-TheStarTracer